Almost done with Two weeks

Week One, Done! and now I am almost done with my second week. During the first week of Jenny Craig I began to realize just how much I needed to really make this work. I was encouraged by my 4 lb. Weight loss, although I am fully aware that most of the was probably water and that I should not expect that kind of loss every week, but none the less it was encouraging.

Up till now I have had a wonderful journey, sure there were some rough times there were challenges but each step of the way was important and necessary to take me through this journey.

You see making the decision to join Jenny Craig came because I was so not able to make the right choices if there were too many choices, OK let me rephrase on my own if left to choose most often I picked a rather unhealthy choice. I can give you all the reason, but those don't really matter I was still picking the unhealthy ones.

So tomorrow marks the end of week two, and boy is this harder than I would have thought. Following the Jenny program is great and I am really enjoying it but I am coming to see just how much power food has in my life, and it come to a point where it is almost embarrassing. Alright not almost; it is. Yet I am even more convinced that now is the time to face this, now is the time to grab hold of the God I believe in, in His power to redeem and bring fresh life. For I need it. I refuse to continue to let this cycle continue.

Dinner with Friends

"It is sad when I am frightened by the size of my own underwear."

I was out to dinner with some friends tonight and the topic was changing often until we hit the topic of underwear. I know what a topic to get stuck on. We spent much time discussing the pros and cons of different styles and which kind we each prefer. (That's when you know you are among good friends, sisters really) When the above quote came tumbling into the conversation. It made us laugh and I realized.. it is true.

When we look at ourselves whether it is in the mirror, or introspectively, we tend to quickly glance over the 'rough spots' or we tend to find one 'rough spot' and only dwell on that area. But rarely do I actually get a good accurate picture of what I look like. Until I sit down to fold my laundry.

My laundry has the ability to tell me great things about myself. Like if most of my laundry for the week is sweats and pj's I come to two conclusion. 1.) I am on vacation 2.) I am bummed out about something and it is time to sit down and figure it out.

If my laundry on the other hand is less then a load because the rest had to go to the dry cleaners... I know one thing for sure...I am working to hard.

If my laundry is full and has a variety of things life is quite possibly well balanced.

But never had I stopped to think my underwear would be a good assessment of where I am in this journey. I will say there are two sizes of underwear. But you don't need anymore info than that ...

So to update everyone on my last weigh in it went just as I had suspected it would go... not so hot. I have to say though I had 7 great months where things were all going down no matter how slowly, then vacation and the end of July hit, and I knew I was once again loosing control.

My trainer Janice was amazing that day. I felt the tears begin to fall ... as I faced what I knew had happened. I wasn't sobbing but the tears were definitely falling. I was tired, emotional, and disappointed.

You see, I hate that I have to fight this battle everyday. I hate that mom has to fight it and my aunt and my family. It is hard. I was throwing a great party full of pity for me. I am discouraged that this has been a serious 7 month journey and I still don't like working out, going to the gym. I know what I need to be eating , but in all this time I still don't have the self discipline to eat the right stuff. It is frustrating.

I needed a mind shift. I needed to look at my motivation, and why I want to do this. And I had to make a change. Janice and I looked at what we do in the gym together and made some changes, and then we addressed the idea of diet. And we made a radical choice. Since I have been in school and working like crazy, I have been eating anywhere from 2-3 meals out a day. While I have learned to make better choices there are still not so hot things about eating out.

So I went and joined Jenny Craig. We shall see how things going. So far I am 4 days in and doing well. Cravings aren't that bad and I am feeling stuffed all the time. This program makes my eating so much more convenient and the convenience is portioned correctly and counted calorically.

I am really proud of me, although I have some great friends standing by me. I really needed them this week and they were there. Making life change is never easy, in fact it is hard, and discouraging at times. But I know it is what I want, and with the Lord, and some good support I know it will happen. I am not ready to give up on myself yet.

Till next week.

Summer of Reflection

Guess what I can't believe that the summer is over! Ok well there is at least one more week. I find it so amazing that we set these great plans and say how wonderful something will be when this or that finally happens.

For me I was so sure that this summer would lead to great milestones in my weight loss, and overall health. I was sure of it, however it didn't. I am not mad over that, I am not disappointed, I am not angry, it just didn't happen the way I had hoped.

But, it also doesn't mean that it was a horrible summer, I didn't gain and I didn't really loose anything I will find out for sure this thursday, so the numbers will be in and a verdict passed. But it causes me to think it is so important to just do it today. Kind of like nike there can not be a sense of waiting for the perfect time to do something because once that perfect time arrives there will always be something that makes it not the ideal not the perfect time.

So instead of waiting it is time I just make the decision for each day for each moment, and stop dreaming about and reaching for the next perfect time.