Thinking over Turkey

Happy Thanksgiving Friends.  It is hard to believe that I have been blogging now for 2 years.  What a crazy thought.Yes some years have been more fruitful in terms of the number of blogs, but either way I still enjoy coming back here keep those of you who read up to date.

I have had lots of time recently to do some thinking. For those of you that remember in October I ran my second 5k race the Nyack Homecoming Fun Run.   This was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Around mile 2 I was ready to quit. I saw no need to finish I was in last place and I was exhausted and mentally I was defeated, but I had some amazing people come around me and I did finish!  I learn a lot about myself in that race one of the things that I learned the most was how often in life I had given up on myself. The dreams that I had I would just stop pursuing because I was so afraid of failing that I would stop way short of any goals, because it was easier in my mind if I quit than if I fail.  I have a feeling some of you can understand this mind set.

Well since that race in October I have committed myself to training and treating my body like the athlete I want it perform like. (Somedays have been better treatment days than other) But in all cases I committed to running this 5 mile race on thanksgiving day. I worked with an amazing trainer, and ran with some amazing friends, just about 6 days a week since then.  I knew I wouldn't be super fast, in comparison to others, but I hoped I would finish.

Leading up to race day my friends were some of the most gracious people I have ever encountered.  I was so nervous. I would spend time  trying to visual me finishing the race and feeling strong, but each time I tried I would defeat myself. I would give up.  During my training runs I stuck by the motto "will not quit, I will finish" (totally stolen from a friend , thanks Sarah)  But it fit my life. This was something I was not willing to quit on myself over.  I was going to finish.

We had done the right training we had even done  a 6 mile run during our training so it wasn't like I could do the distance. The only thing that would stop me from completing this race would be injury or my own mental defeat.  It was 5 miles with over 3,000 people. What was I thinking.

Well to jump right to the end I finished the race. (yay!) and I kept my pace time and completed in my goal time.  So the race ended well, but running a 5 mile race gives you time to think, lots of time in my case to think.

So I began to have pictures of all these times in my life when I had spoken the words "oh, I could never do that."  or  "That would never happen for me."  or  "yeah, well that is just not what I do."  All these things I had spoken over my life. What was I thinking?

I have always had a dream of being an athlete, I want this lifestyle. A life of discipline, strength, pushing yourself, reaching goals, setting new goals, finding my limits. I have always wanted to be athletic, but it was something that I had decided I would never be able to have so I stopped trying. It was dance, gymnastics, tennis, softball, swimming, skiing. All these sports I would just give up on. First to avoid failure and then it became as my weight increased "well I can't do it now."  I began to speak over myself the limitations.  So as I was running I saw all these times, and I realized that I was doing something that I had been saying I never would/ could ever do.

How many people ever get the chance to do the things they never thought they would do? Here I was this morning doing things I never thought possible.  I am different.  I am a different person. I have lost over 96 lbs, and I am that athlete.  I have become an athletic person.  I will treat my body the way it deserve to be treated. I will feed it what it needs. I will begin to realize that I am doing things I never thought I would be able to do because I can do them.

So for those of you, that might be like me and have things that you have said you will never do lets start doing them.  Find great people to surround you, find people who believe in you and go for it.  Because at first it is hard to believe in yourself, and you need to rely on others, but eventually you too will begin to see that you are doing things you never dreamed you would do.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.

Saturday's Run

Yesterday I was so tired I really wasn't sure I wanted to go out and run.  But then there was this desire that come over me to go.  I needed and wanted to go and run and just be out there.  So I headed off to Rockland State Park.  I decided to drive the outer loop which will be the first part of the race in a few weeks, just to see what it would look like.  Then I thought I would run the inner loop which is 3 miles.  I got out and stretched and began to realize just how cold it was.  I was not prepared. I had on my capri pants and a dri-fit running T-shirt! I warmed up and realized if I ran from this particular entrance it was measured. (Nice) I started my timer and started my run, and was about 20 steps in when I realized how cold this run was going to be! As I began running I just couldn't settle into my pace.

No idea if this happens to others but it takes any where from 1/2 a mile to 1 mile for me to settle into my pace and feel comfortable, but it wasn't happening I was just not settling in.  I kept thinking it was the cold and I kept thinking that maybe I should stop. I kept saying to myself all the reasons why I could stop, but this tiny little part of me just couldn't, and I was amazed at how well I was justifying my quitting.  My new running mantra has become.  "Will not Quit, I will Finish"

I am coming around a corner and there is a man with large St. Bernard standing there. He makes eye contact with me and says "just keep going, don't stop running, don't quit" Wow, talk about a perfectly placed word of encouragement. After I heard that I focused again and before I knew it I hit the one mile mark, i looked down at my watch and nearly fell.

I have been running just around a 12 min. mile. Which while in comparison to many isn't hot, but good things running is not about comparison but about 'my run'.  Looking down at my watch I saw 11:03!  No wonder I wasn't settling in, I was running fast than I ever had!  I walked a little and was surprised at how quickly I recovered.

I came to the next part of the trail which I had measured to be a mile the other day and the whole time leading up to it I just wanted to do the same mile time again or maybe even a little faster.  :)  I started running again but by this time after walking I was cold, my muscles were warm but my skin was cold. (wishing I had long sleeves at that point) I got about what I thought was half way and began to defeat myself again, but I refused.  I knew I would finish and whatever time my watch said would be great. I crossed the line at 11:00 flat!  I had no idea that this was in me.

What an amazing thing to watch my body begin to do things that I never thought it would do!  Pretty crazy.  All I can say is that I am really thankful for the amazing people in my life that encourage me, push me when I want to quit on myself, and run this journey alongside me. (some physically do run along side me  :)   )   I am thankful.

Running...still

Welcome to November!  I don't know about you but a snowstorm is not usually the way I like to say goodbye to October, but whatever works.

Things here at Nyack are going well.  The semester is now more than 1/2 through which means that I am more than 1/2 way through my last semester in Grad. School! Finally, it feels great.

I have still been running. I am now running about 3 miles a day usually 4 days a week then another mile or mile plus the other 2 days a week and taking a day off.  It feels great! I am loving learning that I can do more than I ever thought possible.  It has been a great learning experience. There is so many places I can go with this. I am excited.