Dinner with Friends

"It is sad when I am frightened by the size of my own underwear."

I was out to dinner with some friends tonight and the topic was changing often until we hit the topic of underwear. I know what a topic to get stuck on. We spent much time discussing the pros and cons of different styles and which kind we each prefer. (That's when you know you are among good friends, sisters really) When the above quote came tumbling into the conversation. It made us laugh and I realized.. it is true.

When we look at ourselves whether it is in the mirror, or introspectively, we tend to quickly glance over the 'rough spots' or we tend to find one 'rough spot' and only dwell on that area. But rarely do I actually get a good accurate picture of what I look like. Until I sit down to fold my laundry.

My laundry has the ability to tell me great things about myself. Like if most of my laundry for the week is sweats and pj's I come to two conclusion. 1.) I am on vacation 2.) I am bummed out about something and it is time to sit down and figure it out.

If my laundry on the other hand is less then a load because the rest had to go to the dry cleaners... I know one thing for sure...I am working to hard.

If my laundry is full and has a variety of things life is quite possibly well balanced.

But never had I stopped to think my underwear would be a good assessment of where I am in this journey. I will say there are two sizes of underwear. But you don't need anymore info than that ...

So to update everyone on my last weigh in it went just as I had suspected it would go... not so hot. I have to say though I had 7 great months where things were all going down no matter how slowly, then vacation and the end of July hit, and I knew I was once again loosing control.

My trainer Janice was amazing that day. I felt the tears begin to fall ... as I faced what I knew had happened. I wasn't sobbing but the tears were definitely falling. I was tired, emotional, and disappointed.

You see, I hate that I have to fight this battle everyday. I hate that mom has to fight it and my aunt and my family. It is hard. I was throwing a great party full of pity for me. I am discouraged that this has been a serious 7 month journey and I still don't like working out, going to the gym. I know what I need to be eating , but in all this time I still don't have the self discipline to eat the right stuff. It is frustrating.

I needed a mind shift. I needed to look at my motivation, and why I want to do this. And I had to make a change. Janice and I looked at what we do in the gym together and made some changes, and then we addressed the idea of diet. And we made a radical choice. Since I have been in school and working like crazy, I have been eating anywhere from 2-3 meals out a day. While I have learned to make better choices there are still not so hot things about eating out.

So I went and joined Jenny Craig. We shall see how things going. So far I am 4 days in and doing well. Cravings aren't that bad and I am feeling stuffed all the time. This program makes my eating so much more convenient and the convenience is portioned correctly and counted calorically.

I am really proud of me, although I have some great friends standing by me. I really needed them this week and they were there. Making life change is never easy, in fact it is hard, and discouraging at times. But I know it is what I want, and with the Lord, and some good support I know it will happen. I am not ready to give up on myself yet.

Till next week.