Continued Update

So during my last blog I told you about the change in my team.

I also want to be honest and share with you where I am at. You see most of you know I am a christian, my faith, and my belief in God is the root of who I am, and I desire to make sure that what I do flows from this as well. So you see God has been doing great things in my life. He has been helping me to come to understand that I have heard lies about myself that I have taken on and begun to believe.

God has just been doing great things but it leaves me feeling raw and in a place where I am not in control, which is different for me. I feel vulnerable, it is requiring me to rely on others.

I have found that in times of crisis or pain I tend to revert to what I know, food. However this time around in the midst of this I will not revert to stuffing down my feelings or hiding them. This time I am going to not just deal with them but embrace them.

However this past weekend probably posed one of the biggest challenges for me. You see the goal for the year was to put my self care first then order my life around it. So my relationship with God, and my eating, and working out were to be planned first. Then I was to schedule the rest of my days around that. But the past two weeks things have just been out of control. I mean I have gotten busy and haven't been sleeping well, maybe doing to much. ?

So Saturday I went to the gym, and I had slept in late and only grabbed a protein bar which I didn't eat far enough in advance. And thankfully I was training with Kevin, the new trainer. He was awesome saw the changes before I knew they were happening and totally stepped in and kept me on this side of passing out. Once I was on the ground and my vision and hearing began to come back we took the steps necessary to get me back on the healing road.

For the next two days I laid low and tried to begin to understand what had happened, and what to do with the central nervous system as it rebooted itself.

Then on Monday my dad was put into the hospital, and then Tuesday morning we found out my Grandmother had died. This has been hard. I was in the trend of not putting a focus on my self care and now was drastically made aware that I needed to refocus. Yet with the grief I just don't feel like eating. It kind of makes me nauseous. However; I know that I need to eat. Eating is something that I need to do to focus on my self care, and making sure that I am in the best place possible to serve and honor the Lord.

You see when I am focused on other things, my life begins to feel out of control, and crazy. With God already doing things that make me feel a little raw it is really necessary to make sure that I am taking care of me.

So, tomorrow we return. It is time to find my focus on my self care and once again focus on what it is that needs to be done so that I can be at my most effective for the work and role I am called to in the Kingdom.

Will this change how I feel? No, but it will allow me to have a clearer head to embrace and process what I am feeling. That will help. Knowing that I am hearing from God, and that I am in a right mind allows me to focus and allow God to have the access to help me process what ever is necessary.