Yes I am alive.

WARNING!!! LATE NIGHT POST!!! WILL BE EDITED AT SOME POINT!!! NEEDED TO GET IT UP BEFORE I FORGOT!




Wow no posts since February.  That would be why a few of you have mentioned that you have no idea what is going on with my journey, well here's the update on my faith-filled, fabulous life!
Here's the updates in bullet point
*December - Finished school
*January - Started my first school less year in a long time / was lost for a while then Loved it
*February - Short Month! My nephew turned 4 and celebrated his first birthday!
*March - Running INjury  :(  (first one ever)
*April - Started Running again
*May - Shin Splints come back with Vengeance!  / Slowed down the running :(
- Graduated!!!!! Diploma in Hand!
-Got a new Job
*June - Turned 31!!!
*July - Sent my mom to maine and spent a month working with her friends
- Got Employee of the Month at my Movie theater job! (had to find a way to watch all the movies)
*August - Started my new job!

So that would be the quick version, but today I am writing because  its time to let you know that life is good. Sometimes we get caught up in the journey and we get so focused on the trees right around us that we fail to take in the forest. So my forest tells me Life is Good.

I have found myself surrounded by good people, ones who want nothing but the best for me, to cheer me on, to sharpen me, and to remind me to have fun.  I need them.  Without them around life can get out of balance.

Tonight was one of those gotta blog nights. Many of you might remember that in October of this past year I ran (like Fully ran) my first 5k.  It was a day filled with mixed emotions.  Yes, I met my spoken goal of finishing and running the whole thing, but the experience left me with a bitter taste.  Why, because I was trying to be something I wasn't.  In my head I had planned how the day would go, I would run, feel amazing while running and then finish among the crowds it would be great. But that wasn't what happened.  I ran, felt miserable, tried to quit several times, cried most of the second loop, almost quit again, the medics were leaving as I was passing because they thought there wasn't anyone else left running and I finished last.  Yup dead last.

So I made a vow (duhn, duhn, duhn) yup when will I ever learn.  I said to my self I will never run that course again it was horrible. I have spent the last several months 9 months to be exact telling myself that I will never run that course again and allowing that bad experience to overshadow all the other wins I was making.  All because I wasn't what I had hoped I would be that day.   The reality is, I was good, I had done something I had never done before, and for me I did meet my goal.

Well today I ran it.  Yup I did. You see, all summer I have been slowly trying to mentally straighten this journey out.  I recommitted to my eating plan, and I wanted to find out what had happened to my joy in running.  I must have changed because my running hadn't. After that race I stayed with it, ran again in November, ran all winter, then I got injured and allowed that to be my excuse.  Sure I still ran but I had lost heart, I because to get discouraged easily. So this summer it was time to get my groove back.  I stopped wearing my watch, I read this awesome book ... (ok well I am reading it ) No need for speed a beginners guide to the joy of running.  I realized that it wasn't about getting in another second faster, or beating my last pace. Sure the time for that will come, but for now I needed to find the love again.  It started to return, I was loving my runs, then it happened. THe application to run the dreaded race showed up in my mail.... "I won't ever do this race again."

I was paralyzed with fear, and over what a bunch of pavement, 3.1 miles of a course, well I mentioned this to the wrong person.  And the next thing I knew there is a bet on the table.  If I run the course by August 8th, they will go running with me.  What!!! All the sudden the inspiration was there, and tonight I delivered! Now its their turn. :)

So what does all this rambling mean, where am I going with this.....

Fear, when left unfaced, shadows all we do.  Unspoken expectations when unmet leave us unwilling to try again.  I don't like the feeling of fear, and I don't like having things I am unwilling to do so it leave me with two options 1.) Do those things or 2.) Wash your hands of them and quit.

Well I am not a quitter!  Whether it is getting back onto the diet track, running a race, applying for a new job, moving, starting a new relationship, ending a relationship, don't allow your fear or your unspoken expectations to dictate your actions.

As always each day we have been given the blessings to choose how we respond to life.  If God is in control then fear and unwillingness can have no room. Today I choose to let God be bigger than fear and unwillingness...(unmet expectations). Tomorrow I choose to let Him have control also ... each day is a choice.