Welcome 2011

Well the new year is here and I am still on the journey. Boy I was hoping that I wouldn't be. I am disappointed to say the least. I had big hopes that by today I would be a brand new skinny me. I would be at my goal and my life would be totally different. I am just being honest. My expectation was that this year, by January of 2011 I would have a handle on my eating addiction. That I would be in my own eyes skinny and that I would be in this euphoric state of happiness.

Guess what. I am not, not really any of those things, but I am ok.

I may not be 'skinny' but I am skinnier. I have lost weight and I am not the same size nor the same person I was.

I may not have my cravings and desires for food under control, but I am a more conscientious eater. I am working on my relationship with food, and removing the power it has had over my life. I am learning that using food can longer be used to stuff down my emotions or other things. I am learning that food is simply for nourishment, it doesn't need to be used for anything else.

And while I am not in some fake euphoric state of happiness. I am happy, God is doing great things in my life, showing me things that He wants to address, I am willing to see change in my life and that is what makes me happy.

You see the number on the scale, or the size of the clothing never determines, makes or creates your happiness. I am finding that happiness for me comes from learning to be authentic. From reveling in the mysteries of who I am and who I am created to be. That is what makes me happy.

Do not get me wrong there is something fun about watching me shrink out of clothes, and watching the numbers on the scale fall (even it is slowly) but at times those things are more frightening then they are exciting. Instead... It is about learning to just sit in the midst of life, to be present, and fully participating in life.

So here we are, starting another new year, and the journey continues. I am in. What are you hoping to see different 365 days from now, dream big... but remember sometimes what we hope to see happen just isn't what is in the plans.