Life and Death

There are few things in this world that can really shake our contentment. I think one of them at least for me would be death. I have a track record for not handling death well, oh who am I kidding I don't just not handle death well, I don't handle it. I have in the past had two modes of operation the first being sleep and avoid. The second mode of dealing would be to eat and shove the pain as far down as possible.

Neither of these has proved to be effective in my life. The first while leaving me rested (kind of) often leaves me with things just under the surface. The second makes me feel better for a little while at first, but leaves me fatter and more unhappy.

Recently my family has suffered a great loss. This time though I resolved to learn to grieve well. I refused to ignore that this loss happened and I refused to feed my face just to deal with me pain. So the journey began to figure out what grieving well looks like.

For me it has involved late night trips to NH to say Goodbye. It has involved tears and laughter, memories and unfulfilled dreams and conversations. It has left me with times when I felt happy, and times when I felt sad, but I have felt, and I am beginning to return to life.

Food for many people especially myself has been a 'drug of choice' it is what we use when we want to feel and when we don't want to feel. We use and abuse it and then wonder why we look and feel the way we do. How is it that we can become so afraid of our own emotions that we are willing to harm and sacrifice our health just to avoid them.

I am not willing to do that. So it is time to learn to grieve well.