2012! What! How did this happen, I took a little time tonight and read back over a few of my blogs from the beginning. I can not believe this journey has been for 2 years. Back in 2010 when I first started blogging I was hoping to loose 80 -100 lbs in that year. Well it didn't happen, but now we are 97 lbs down! And closer than ever to the goal, however I have extended it, and am looking to loose the last 25 lbs.
This will require more focus and attention to my eating and workouts than I have put forth in a while. I have been very cautious to choose workout routines and eating schedules in which a lot was pre-done for me. I haven't really been pushing myself in the past 2 years with my workouts I was doing was I could, but not really pushing hard, and with my diet I have done programs that gave me my food and was just very relaxed about what I was eating. Well I am done with this half focused journey.
But before I could stop this half hearted journey I needed to look at why I had chosen this path over the last two years. It didn't take long for me to realize that I have been playing it safe, I have been living slightly fearful. I had a great conversation with my mom this past weekend and we talked about my struggles in the past with my ED. We talked about that this will really be the first time in 10 years since I have been in recovery that I have had this intense of a focus on my diet and exercise. But the difference is I am ready. I am in the best place I have ever been emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. I have great friends around me, I am a part of a strong community, and I am more aware than ever before. Yet even with all this I know it is important to make a point to bring those who are closest to me in on my plans. So here we go, we have 5 months and 25 lbs. Time to be focused and disciplined to reach the goal, and do it in a way that is healthy, safe, fun, and long lasting. The past will remain in the past, and the future hold new things for me.
Today I was also asked a really interesting question. I was in the car with a friend and we were talking and I mentioned music and what I had done in my past with music and she asked, "So why did you stop?" I had no answer for her. Why did I stop, I put my music stuff away once I finished my required classes in college and just walked away. What did I walk away from? Why had I done what I did? and, Why did I stop doing it?
Today and this week has definitely been a week of thinking back over the past, and wondering what the future holds for me.
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